empty and vast
I have lived so many years and still so few
and have done nothing
have lived nothing
i have no one to blame but myself
i shut my eyes
seal my own lips and tie my hands
even if i were to make the jump
i'd be too blind to see the view along my descent
muted, so i could not call attention to the flight
and probably drown upon impact due to my own self crippling
its pathetic really
i feel so
defeated and loss
without a purpose
sour on the inside
lost and deprived
where did my purpose go?
why does everything feel so inadequate now?
why do i feel like every decision in an attempt to make myself happy
feel like the wrong one?
why am i afraid of making decisions?
why do i yearn for situations when control is taken from me
why is it easier to go somewhere with a friend completely benign of where
but can't keep a commitment?
its not fair
im fighting myself
on an uneven playing field no less
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